


We don't deal in absolutes

by MercuryStars



Series: How Far I'll Go [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Dark Side, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Caring Deceit | Janus Sanders, Gen, Good Parent Deceit | Janus Sanders, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kid Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Parent Deceit | Janus Sanders, Parent-Child Relationship, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:13:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24692092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercuryStars/pseuds/MercuryStars
Summary: It's bedtime in the darkscape but one of Janus' kids can't get to sleep. Virgil's slowly learning that he's not evil like he's been told but he's having a hard time reconciling that with the fact that he's anxiety. Janus helps put things into perspective for him.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: How Far I'll Go [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1744048
Comments: 3
Kudos: 186





	We don't deal in absolutes

**Author's Note:**

> For those of you who are new here, Dad Janus is canon age and he is a father to 14/15-year-old Virgil and Roman and Remus who are 8-10.

The twins were in bed, _finally_ , and actually asleep which Janus was more than a little surprised by but hey, he wasn’t going to question it. He was a single dad of three kids after all, he’d take what he could get when it came to getting his kids to bed at a, somewhat, reasonable time. Roman was normally the easiest, Remus was always a gremlin but with the right bribes or tricks, even he’d eventually, well, settle wasn’t the right word but still, he’d sleep.

The most difficult was Virgil. Not because he fought or argued, no, because of the awful combination of insomnia and fear. If he was asleep, he was vulnerable, if he was asleep, anything could happen to him and he’d be utterly unprepared. Still, he was getting better and better and Janus was so _proud_ of his progress.

Knocking lightly on his oldest sons door he pushed it open upon hearing the muffled ‘come in’. Janus never entered Virgil’s room without consent unless it was an emergency, he knew how much privacy and a space of his own meant to his son and he refused to be the one to take that away from him. He wasn’t overly surprised to see that Virgil was awake. What did surprise and concern him was the slightly panicked, distressed look on the teenager’s face as he sat curled up on his bed, back pressed to the wall. Normally at this hour, he’d be listening to music, sometimes drawing, something to keep his mind occupied until he could sleep. “Little spider?”

Virgil’s glassy eyes focused as best they could on the figure standing in the doorway. Black and yellow. Scales. Hat. He was safe. “Hey, dad.” He muttered a little shakily, nodding his consent when Janus motioned that he’d like to come in. Janus came in and sat on the edge of his bed quietly, waiting for Virgil himself to start the conversation which he appreciated. “There’s a voice in my head keeping me awake.” He began slowly.

“Oh?” Janus asked, his worry growing. Virgil had told him a while ago that sometimes he would still hear the light sides, mostly Patton, in his head. Scolding him, threatening him, telling him all the reasons he was bad, wrong, _evil_. “Who’s voice is it?” He knew it could very well just be Virgil’s own voice but that too was sometimes needlessly harsh. Still, vastly preferable to the others.

“It’s my own but…influenced by the others.” Virgil began slowly, trying to find the right way to say what he needed to. As he did he shuffled closer to his dad, leaning against him. Honestly? He was exhausted, he just wanted to sleep but the voice wouldn’t let him. Not until it was satisfied. “I…I know it’s been ages since I’ve been back and it’s stupid and I shouldn’t-”

“Virgil.” Janus’ voice was firm but gentle, _grounding_. “Whatever you’re feeling, whatever you’re thinking, it’s not stupid and it doesn’t matter how long it’s been. There is no deadline for recovery. Progress is not linear. Now. Talk to me.” Janus pulled himself fully up onto the bed and sat with crossed legs across from Virgil who was now doing the same.

Virgil gave his dad a small, grateful smile for stopping him from spiralling too far and tried to get himself back on track. “I’m anxiety. I know _I’m_ not evil,” and host be damned if _that_ hadn’t taken forever to actually believe, “but my purpose isn’t good. Having anxiety isn’t good for the host. It’s hard…trying to separate myself from what I am…”

Oh. Janus knew this issue very, _very_ well. He’d also had a lot of trouble with this very issue before discovering the truth about their purposes and he was more than happy to spare his son the heartache that would come with trying to figure it out himself. “Firstly, I’m _so proud_ of you for understanding that you are not defined by your purpose and what you can do for the host.” Virgil ducked his head at the praise Janus was slowly getting him used to, “Secondly, anxiety is not all you are.”

Virgil looked up at his father, confusion painted across the face, “What? What else am I?” He asked, was it another bad thing, another thing that would only hurt the host he was supposed to help, wha-

“Caution. You are _caution_ , Virgil. You keep him _safe,_ you make sure he stays out of dangerous situations and thinks things through.” Janus began, gently stroking Virgil’s hair as the teen sat shocked.

“I- what?” Virgil couldn’t wrap his mind around it, not yet at least. He was caution? He was…helpful? Turning his eyes back to Janus, he silently begged him to continue, he needed to hear more, he needed to understand.

Janus, seeing his son's confusion and pleading continued his explanation, “We are all double-edged swords Virgil. None of us represents just one thing, there’s always a deeper meaning, a hidden layer to what we do. Take me for example. I am deceit, yes, but I am also self-preservation. Your brothers as well, they’re both creativity but also have secondary purposes, but it’s too early to tell with them. Romulus though, his was most definitely insecurity. Even Patton and Logan, for all they try to hide it.”

“Really?” Virgil asked, almost disbelievingly. He knew…he knew that neither of them was good beings but he’d always thought that their purposes were wholly good. That’s why they got to be deemed light sides.

Janus smiled sadly, he disliked bring them up but Virgil was starting to understand and they were going to help him prove his point, “Logan while being logic also represents _apathy_ and Patton is both morality and _guilt._ They may only show off their better attributes but that doesn’t mean the less good ones just disappear. They just keep them hidden, whereas we don’t get that option. You see? All of us have the good and the bad. It doesn’t affect who we are as beings but I hope this helps you better understand that your purposes are just as vital and helpful to the host as the rest of us.”

Virgil’s mind was now filled with new thoughts but they weren’t quite as suffocating as before. He was helpful. He was good. He was more than anxiety, he was caution and he was useful. He was also a teenager and very tired. “Thanks, dad. This…helped a lot.”

“Of course Virgil. It’s what I’m here for. Goodnight son.” With that Janus stood from the bed and watched as his little spider settled down for the night before flicking off the lights and padding back to his own room to finally get some sleep. Well, that was until he heard quiet giggling from the twin's room. Rolling his eyes with a smile he made his way there to sort out the tiny terrors.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I know I've added nothing to this series since finishing the main story but! You'll be glad to hear I do have a plan for the sequel and a bunch of one-shots! Currently though, I'm focusing on My Hero Academia stuff so if you like that go give it a look! It is also found family, adoptive parent stuff because I totally don't have a type when it comes to writing longer fics! Love y'all, bye! 
> 
> Ps- If you have any ideas for one-shots you'd like to see, lemme know!


End file.
